it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
