I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
