I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My first STD was from a foam party
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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