I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My vagina just clenched in fear
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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