why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
