my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
