i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
