I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
