The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
