the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
