he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
