I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
