its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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