my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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