I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
