Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
