Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
