A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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