So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
