Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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