Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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