just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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