Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Redeem this text for a blowjob
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
