Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
