he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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