She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
