Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
