"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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