I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
