Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
