Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
