it wasn't lemon gatorade
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
