bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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