Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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