I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
