Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
