so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
