Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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