Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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