? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
