Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
