Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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