You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
