In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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