is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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