why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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