I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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