just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
