dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
