Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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