i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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