How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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