I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
