I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
