What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
